Archive for IWSG

IWSG: The Waiting Game

The ISWG is a blog hop where writers can share their fears and insecurities about the writing life. To learn more, check out their website here.

I have a feeling June will be a hard month for me. I finished my first draft of my WIP, I am done querying Small Things but am waiting to hear from a few agents, and I don’t think I’m ready to tackle revisions to my first book, Damaged.

Why, then, will June be difficult?

Because the last thing I want to spend June doing is not writing. I have a ton of faith that Blackberry Jam will be my best book yet, and I cannot wait to dive in to revisions and start making it into a good book. However, what it needs right now is time to simmer, and what I need right now is time to forget about it. But I have no idea if I’ll have that patience. So far I’ve gone from writing the first word to querying the book in no more than about a year per book. It’s probably been too immature, especially in the first book I queried. I don’t want to screw this one up and send it out into the world before it’s ready.

However, I don’t trust myself to do it. Even though I’m a perfectionist, I also suffer from “I could have been a child prodigy” syndrome, where every step I take away from having someone say, “She’s done this and she’s only X years old!”  (i.e., basically every unproductive day that passes) is a step that terrifies me. I’m already well into territory of adulthood, where no one gives a damn how old I am. But I still have to keep myself from rushing through a project so I have a chance of being a published author before I turn 30 (in just over two years, if you were curious). It’s a silly thing to be insecure about, I know–being average–but… it is what it is, I guess. I think I would much rather be 31 or 32 (or–gasp!–even older) as a debut author with an excellent book than a 29-year-old debut author with a mediocre one.

IWSG: Endings

The ISWG is a blog hop where writers can share their fears and insecurities about the writing life. To learn more, check out their website here.

(The following comic explains why this is posted a day late)

                           Apparently it’s May.

I’ve reached the amazing part of drafting a story called… the ending. Only here’s the thing. This is my third novel and it’s only the first time I’ve really attempted to write the ending in the first draft. Why’s that? you say. Well, because I suck at them. And I know I suck at them. During my last story, the “ending” that I came up with as I dashed toward the end of NaNo happened about 30k too soon, involved a helicopter chase and the antagonist physically chasing the protagonist down, and a battle in a courtroom between the two. In the final draft, the protagonist isn’t present for the courtroom battle, which is no longer about him, and his final showdown is with his true antagonist instead of the strawman at the courtroom.

Not that it’s obvious from those descriptions, so let me just spell it outright: the first ending didn’t fit the story at all and the second ending did.

The same thing happened with my first book, where the ending I originally wrote was so awful that I don’t even remember what it was. (Paused writing to look it up. And then facepalmed pretty hard. That ending sucked too.)

So, as I’m going in to the third act on my third book, I’m scared. I guess you could say I’m insecure about it. 😉 Last week I got stuck trying to write the ending I had prepared and I thankfully realized that it wasn’t going to work on a character arc level. So I updated the outline and I’m ready to write it. Technically. On paper. Which explains why Scrivener has been open for three days but I haven’t written any actual words since before I figured out where I was going wrong.

One of these days I’ll get the courage to write this ending. And hopefully it won’t suck nearly as much as the first drafts of my first two novels. But if it does… I guess that’s what revision’s for.