The ISWG is a blog hop where writers can share their fears and insecurities about the writing life. To learn more, check out their website here.
I have a feeling June will be a hard month for me. I finished my first draft of my WIP, I am done querying Small Things but am waiting to hear from a few agents, and I don’t think I’m ready to tackle revisions to my first book, Damaged.
Why, then, will June be difficult?
Because the last thing I want to spend June doing is not writing. I have a ton of faith that Blackberry Jam will be my best book yet, and I cannot wait to dive in to revisions and start making it into a good book. However, what it needs right now is time to simmer, and what I need right now is time to forget about it. But I have no idea if I’ll have that patience. So far I’ve gone from writing the first word to querying the book in no more than about a year per book. It’s probably been too immature, especially in the first book I queried. I don’t want to screw this one up and send it out into the world before it’s ready.
However, I don’t trust myself to do it. Even though I’m a perfectionist, I also suffer from “I could have been a child prodigy” syndrome, where every step I take away from having someone say, “She’s done this and she’s only X years old!” (i.e., basically every unproductive day that passes) is a step that terrifies me. I’m already well into territory of adulthood, where no one gives a damn how old I am. But I still have to keep myself from rushing through a project so I have a chance of being a published author before I turn 30 (in just over two years, if you were curious). It’s a silly thing to be insecure about, I know–being average–but… it is what it is, I guess. I think I would much rather be 31 or 32 (or–gasp!–even older) as a debut author with an excellent book than a 29-year-old debut author with a mediocre one.